Should I stay or Should I go?

Deciding whether to mend, bend, or end a relationship can be a challenging and deeply personal process. Here are some considerations to help you make a thoughtful decision:

1. Assess the Relationship: Take a step back and evaluate the overall health of the relationship. Consider the level of mutual respect, trust, and communication between both parties. Reflect on the positive aspects of the relationship and any areas of concern or dissatisfaction.
2. Boundaries and Respect: Assess the level of boundaries and respect within the relationship. Are your boundaries being respected? Are you able to communicate your needs and have them acknowledged? Healthy relationships require mutual respect and the ability to establish and maintain boundaries.
3.  Identify the Issues: Clearly identify the specific issues or challenges that are causing difficulties in the relationship. Are these issues temporary or recurring? Are they fundamental differences that cannot be resolved? Understanding the root causes will help you determine if they can be addressed or if they are deal-breakers.
4. . Patterns and History: Take a look at the patterns and history of the relationship. Are the challenges or issues recurring? Have you both been able to overcome difficulties in the past? Understanding the patterns can help you assess whether the problems are solvable or if they are deeply ingrained.
5. Compatibility and Shared Values: Assess the compatibility and shared values between you and your partner. Are your core values aligned? Do you share similar beliefs, interests, and goals for the future? Compatibility in these areas can contribute to the long-term success of a relationship.
6. Communication and Effort: Open and honest communication is key in any relationship. Have you expressed your concerns and needs to the other person? Have you both made efforts to work on the issues? Evaluate if there has been genuine effort and progress in resolving conflicts or improving the relationship dynamics.
7. Emotional Well-being: Reflect on your emotional well-being in the relationship. Do you feel happy, supported, and respected? Are you constantly feeling drained, anxious, or unhappy? Your emotional well-being is crucial, and it’s essential to prioritize your own happiness and mental health.
8. Personal Growth: Consider how the relationship has impacted your personal growth and development. Have you grown as individuals while being together? Does the relationship provide a supportive environment for personal growth? Evaluate whether the relationship encourages you to be the best version of yourself or if it hinders your personal progress.
9. Gut Feeling and Intuition: Trust your gut feeling and intuition. Sometimes, your instincts can provide valuable insights into the health and future of a relationship. If something feels consistently off or if you have a strong sense that things won’t change, it’s important to listen to those feelings.
10. . Time and Effort: Consider the amount of time and effort you have already invested in the relationship. Are you willing to continue putting in the work to mend or improve the relationship? Assess whether the effort required is worth the potential outcome.
11. Red Flags and Deal-Breakers: Pay attention to any red flags or deal-breakers in the relationship. These may include abusive behavior, infidelity, or a lack of trust. It’s important to prioritize your safety and well-being and recognize when certain behaviors are unacceptable.
12. Consider Future Compatibility: Consider your long-term goals and values. Do you see a future with this person? Are your values and life aspirations aligned? Assess whether the relationship has the potential for growth and whether both parties are willing to make necessary changes to support each other’s goals.
13. Seek Professional Help: If you’re unsure about the decision or if the issues seem complex, consider seeking the help of a discernment counsellor. They can provide an unbiased perspective and guide you through the decision-making process.
14. Support System: Consider the support system you have outside of the relationship. Do you have a strong network of family and friends who provide emotional support? Evaluate whether you have a support system that can help you cope with the challenges of the relationship and provide guidance during the decision-making process.

Remember, making decisions about relationships can be complex and emotional. It’s important to give yourself time and space to reflect, seek support, and consider the factors that are most important to you. Ultimately, the decision should be based on what feels right for you and aligns with your overall well-being.

Dr Sue Palmer-Conn C.Psychol

The Divorce Doctor

drsue@divorce-doctor.com